I began scribbling down thoughts only when I felt heavy with them. Messily telling the page what was troubling me. So when I moved house I found notebooks with the first ten pages written in and then nothing else. Abandoned once I felt alright again. Having served their purpose in letting me put what I felt in to words.
When I set out for the Camino, I decided to make a few notes each day if I could. I was traveling alone, so it became a comfort. I mostly did it because I thought I would want to keep a log of the journey.
On easy days I would find myself writing, ‘everything is fine…’ and stumbling over what to put next. I wasn’t used to describing things unless I was trying to unravel a thought or emotion. Details were never something I had paused on for long. I didn’t really see the point. Then the enjoyment and simplicity of journalling started to sink in. Just noting down what had happened started to bring me a wonderful sense of happiness. I’d note the names of places, describe restaurants and rivers, talk about train journeys, and things the dog had done. I’d really enjoy taking time to relive simple things from the day. Since then I’ve been doing it everyday. Sometimes a few times a day. On a train yesterday, I got out my journal rather than my phone. Writing feels like I’m giving thanks and treasuring the small things that I don’t think I spent time noticing before.
Don’t get me wrong, I still write out my thoughts and feelings. It’s still a place to vent. And doing it here more often means I feel a lot less of the need to vent or grumble to friends and loved ones. I get it off my chest by writing. And since it takes longer to write, I am more thoughtful about how I word it. I am kinder, more focused on a solution. Maybe it’s because reading back the moan is no fun! Writing in this way takes away worrying about what it does to the other person or how I feel about their response. And means I get a chance to draft out what’s in my head, organise it and feel calmer before having a conversation.
September 18th 2020
We've moved 